Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
