also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
