I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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