Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
