You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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