i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize