I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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