he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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