I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i think my cat just said my name.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
