i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
