Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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