Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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