Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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