Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
