Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
