is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
