who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
