Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
