he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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