i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
