there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
