I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
