I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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