Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
