My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I forget how to act sober
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
