i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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