walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
