If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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