I love black thongs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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