You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
