Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
