I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
