i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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