We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
