I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
