Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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