"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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