Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
