Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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