Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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