Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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