well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
