And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
