What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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