thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
