I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
