I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
