i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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