okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
