last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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