i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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