Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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