Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
