Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
