dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
