My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
