I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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