just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
