I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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