this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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