: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
